Encounters
by Lov3good
Summary: If I had known that our first true encounter would've led to something more "permanent" then I would've never encouraged them in the first place. But it seems like karma has a sick sense of humour. Cause's he's back. And there is no getting rid of him.
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, except this plot and the OC's you don't recognize :)_

_A/N: So this is my story Encounters, a Sirius/OC story which I have also posted at HPFF, same penname: Lovegood and decided to post it here as well :) Anyways, this is the mere Prologue, the 'real' story will start next chapter but I hope you guys will review and let me know your thoughts :)_

_Enjoy this chapter :)_

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Prologue

Encounters. A casual meeting with someone or a thing. That's what the dictionary says. I personally don't really agree with it. The dictionary makes it sound like an encounter is planned. An encounter is something more impulsive I suppose. Something I stumble upon, something not planned. Ah well, I suppose no matter how many examples I'll give, the definition will remain the same. A casual meeting with someone, or something.

My first encounter with Sirius Black was back in first year. He bumped in to me when we had aboard the Hogwarts express. I was so caught up in finding a compartment I didn't see the black haired eleven year old boy run towards me. I did feel his shoulder collide with mine causing me to lose my balance. At least his friend James Potter had the audacity to hoist me up by my armpits and set me back on my feet before he ran after him again. He did say he was sorry, Potter I mean, although he was running when he said that and I suppose I didn't completely hear him but at least it was something in that direction. I didn't see Black after that again.

Well, we did get sorted in the same house, so seeing him was inevitable but actually talking to him, which was something different. We didn't talk; I doubt he actually knew my name since he was more preoccupied with playing pranks on people. At least I never was a victim. Or so I thought. First year went by without a trouble, no more encounters, besides the usual seeing in the common room and Great Hall and of course classes. But we never spoke.

Second year came and well boy that was an odd year. Black and his minions were still busy playing pranks. His minions or I suppose friends contained the mischievous James Potter. The smart Remus Lupin, who probably made sure their pranks were well thought of and Peter Pettigrew, the poor lad that followed James and Sirius everywhere. It was quite sad to see. Ah well, if they were happy than who was I to protest?

Anyway, in second year they played a prank on me. It was something childish yet embarrassing enough for me to burst in to tears in front of the whole common room. James had assured me that it wasn't meant for me but for Lily Evans. Too bad though, I was the one that caught the blow. They were interested in muggle pranks that year and when I came out of my dorm they had dunked a bucket of water on me and then sprayed me with feathers. It was awfully humiliating.

Third year went by without any trouble. And with that I mean no more pranks played on me. Others weren't as lucky I suppose. It was also the year when Sirius Black began noticing girls and it was also the year when he got noticed by girls. His true beauty began to shine and he became interested in dating girls. Of course who would object? With his semi long hair, beautiful piercing grey eyes. His sharp features like his cheek bones and his jaw. Well as a thirteen year old he was already attractive, I wondered how he would look like when he became older.

And just like that year four was in my reach and before I knew it I had turned fourteen. It was the year that I got noticed for the first time. Arthur O'Day was his name and well he was my first crush ever. He was a Ravenclaw and he had always stood out. Not because he was so handsome, no it was because of his height. He was tall, already at the tender age of fourteen he stood at 5'11. And it seemed like he wasn't stopping there. His russet brown hair and his puppy hazel eyes well they always knew how to enchant me. His kisses however. Not that I had that much of experience. I mean, Arthur was my first kiss and it wasn't what you would call heart-warming. I'll be honest, first time I had kissed him it felt like I was making out with a washing machine. You know that big thing where muggles do their laundry? I swear it felt like this. After that, I didn't want him to kiss me that often. Maybe he wasn't my cup of tea or maybe he wasn't that in to me just as I wasn't into him but whatever it was, it was enough for us to have a split up, if that's what you want to call it. It was very abrupt. One day we were together and the next it was over. I didn't cry once.

Fifth year. Hmmm. What should I tell you about Year Five? Just that it had to be the most eventful year that I had ever had. I wish I had known that it would turn out that way, I could've at least prepared. But I suppose whatever it was it wasn't something that I could prepare for though. Well, what was it that had me in knots for days? It was my first real encounter with Sirius Black.

I found him in a corridor on the third floor pissed as hell. He was carrying a bottle of Fire whiskey which was almost drained while he sang:

_Oh, come and stir my cauldron __  
__And if you do it right __  
__I'll boil you up some hot, strong love __  
__To keep you warm tonight_

It was the first time I saw him look so bad. He looked pale with dark, bruise like circles beneath his fathomless eyes. His eyes that didn't shine with that little tinge of sparkle. His clothes were wrinkled and I could smell him from behind the statue of the humpbacked witch, where I was hiding. I wasn't sure what to do at that moment. What would you do when you find _the_ Sirius Black drunk, singing some cheesy kind of love song that doesn't suit his voice. Let me tell you one thing, Sirius Black has his perks but singing well that's something he should refrain from doing in the future.

"Sirius?" Before I knew it I had whispered his name and somehow he heard me. I decided to stop hiding and came out from behind the statue. He grinned and raised his bottle in the air as he swayed unsteadily. I quickly made my way to him and grabbed his arm wrapping it around my shoulder so he could lean on me.

"Look who we have here." He slurred sloppily. First time in my life somebody spat on me that literally. "It's little… Lais Carstens." He said finally. I raised my eyebrows. It did take him time to know my name but at least he knew it. Eventually.

"Let's get you back to the common room." I mumbled. He rested his head on mine. At the tender age of fifteen he already was tall. Not as tall as Arthur O'Day of course but he was a close one. I almost gagged smelling the strong scent of alcohol.

"Shh." Sirius whispered. "If Minnie finds us we'll be in big trouble." At that point he seemed sober but that changed when he shrugged and raised the bottle of Fire whiskey to his lips. I made a move at it but he kept it out of my reach.

"Give it to me Black!" I hissed. Holding out my hand seemed an easy thing to do. Didn't say it would work though.

"McGonagall is going to kill me." I murmured hoping we wouldn't get caught.

"Padfoot!" I heard. I looked around and suddenly out of nowhere James Potter appeared. He grabbed Sirius' weight and I let him go.

"Thanks Lais." James Potter thanked. I smiled and moved to Sirius' other side. I grabbed his arm and after that nothing was said. We got him back to the common room safely without getting caught. James Potter took it over from there and left with Sirius, heading towards his dorm.

It was a strange encounter that was for sure. However it was only the first encounter. That same year he sat down next to me in Potions. The only subject I excelled in and asked me to be his partner. I told him no, I had promised one of my best friends Darcy Miller to be her partner. He looked slightly hurt when he turned away but at the end of our class I found a note in my school bag. Only two words it said.

_Thank you. __**  
**__- SB_

I knew it was Sirius Black, because he was the only person that actually had to thank me in the first place, his initials on the note wasn't even necessary. I never told Darcy or my other best friend Georgiana Gerald what had happened. Nor did I tell them about this little note. It felt like betrayal because I knew Sirius would've wanted to keep it a secret. I agreed.

It was our last encounter that year. During sixth year he didn't even spare me one glance let alone a word. We didn't see each other that much anymore. I never thought about him anymore, I focused on my school and things at home were something that kept me busy all the time. My mum became pregnant again and I was excited to get another sibling. I have four other siblings, the new baby counted. My older brother and the eldest Alec, who is twenty five. My older sister by three years Mona. My younger sister Cato by two years. And of course our new member of the family Kyron. The sweetest baby brother anyone could have.

It was all I could think of. But I also knew it was the only thing I wanted to think of so I could keep my mind of Sirius. I never truly understood my strange fascination with Sirius Black. But deep down I knew what it was. But I never gave in. I didn't want to get stuck in that situation. I didn't want to be labelled as those girls that followed him every. Because I didn't follow him, I was just painfully aware of the things he did. But still.

I refused to fall in love with someone like Sirius Black. It would be my one way ticket to misery and I wasn't planning to go there.

Not if I could help it.

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_A/N: Thoughts? Let me know how it is :) _


	2. You Said How Are You Baby

_Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Merely using the brilliant work of J.K Rowling._

_A/N: Wow, I'm so excited with the response for the Prologue :O I'm glad everyone liked it :) So here is the next chapter :) Sorry for the long wait but I wanted to be sure whether I should continue with this story in the first place :) But I'm sure now :) Thanks again and enjoy this chapter. Oh yeah, before I forget. This chapter is four years in the future! This is an AU story so I know that James and Lily are supposed to be dead now! But, for the sake of the story, I'm changing the time line :) They'll be older when they pass away ;) Anyway, on with the story :_

_P.S Do take a look at my Narnia story, Digame :)_

_**You Said "How Are You Baby?" **_

Floo powder. I kept chanting in my head. Floo Powder. Floo Powder. Was it that obvious I wasn't allowed to forget that? I sighed feeling remotely ridiculous. I always forgot Floo powder. It was like an automatism, no matter what I did to make sure I wouldn't forget, I still managed to forget it. Where was the sense in that? I was twenty-one for crying out loud. No little kid that forgot to flush the toilet.

I manoeuvred through the daily crowd in Diagon Alley. Gosh there were so many people. Even though it was bad times, there were still people running around, chattering as they took care of their errands.

"Floo powder." I murmured as I rounded the corner, ready to enter one of the shabby shops in Diagon Alley where they sold Floo powder. I adjusted the bag I was holding when I suddenly collided with something hard. Not expecting the collision I dropped my bag in shock and steadied myself by putting my arm against the wall.

"Bloody hell, sorry ma'am." That voice. I looked up and my eyes met sharp grey eyes. My breathing halted. My heart beat stopped.

In fact, time stopped.

"Sirius." I breathed out amazed. Here I was, standing in front of Sirius Black after not seeing him for almost four years. I felt dizzy with shock and his hand reached out to my arm steadying me again. He looked so different. He was still deathly handsome only there wasn't any boyish features in his face anymore. Everything was so sharp. So defined. So utterly Sirius. He looked like he grew a few more inches and he stood at a proud 6"2. I exhaled shakily. His black hair, reaching his chin, still fell in his eyes elegantly. Oh the envy.

"Little Lais." He murmured. At least he didn't forget me as I expected him to. His voice was gruff. Deeper than what I remembered. I looked at the sharp cheekbones and he was looking at me with surprised eyes. I smiled.

"You remember." I pointed out and suddenly he smiled as well. It looked so good on his face.

"Yeah, of course I do. How are you Lais? Merlin it's been years since I last saw you." He said breathily and I nodded.

"Graduation." Four years to be exact. Suddenly I realized who I was talking to. Sirius Black.

The same Sirius Black that broke my heart four years ago without even knowing it and now I was having a civil conversation with him in Diagon Alley. Years may have passed. But habits are hard to break and suddenly I felt some resentment. My smile dropped and so did his.

"I-I'm sorry for what happened." Sirius suddenly said as he saw the emotions sprawled out on my face and I nodded easily.

"It's okay." No it wasn't. It was everything but that. Silence engulfed us and I crossed my arms rubbing the skin where goose bumps had appeared.

This felt so unfamiliar. Both of us weren't comfortable like this. If I was honest, I couldn't remember a time where I was comfortable with Sirius. He was such an extraordinary person. Both good and bad. I remember the way he was at Hogwarts. He used to be so energetic. The same goes for James. Both of them were always engaged with something. I remember feeling exhausted just looking at them. It was like they sucked away all the energy from other people. Maybe it's why they were so hyperactive. I wondered if they were still like that.

Maybe. Maybe not.

"So." I felt myself being pulled away from my reverie and I glanced through the corner of my eyes at him. He was rubbing his neck feeling obviously uncomfortable.

"I have to go." I announced and I bent forward picking up the discarded bag. I looked at him giving him a small smile. "It was nice seeing you Sirius."

I turned around when I felt his hand on my elbow. He pulled me to a stop turning me around at the same time. I wished he hadn't done this. It's so much easier to walk away when someone wasn't so bloody enticing, the boy used to entrance me ever since I found him in our fifth year. He never left my mind after that.

"Lais. Would you like to have a drink with me?" I bit my lip.

"I'm sorry. I have to go." I told him and tried to wrench my arm out of his hand but his grip was firm and suddenly aggravation hit me full force. Why now? Why the sudden interest?

"Sirus!" I swiftly turned around and he let go in shock. I closed my eyes for a second. This was so typical. In the muggle romance novels I was currently reading the hero –Sirius- and the heroine –me- would fall in love again after all these years of being separated and we would live happily ever after. Of course, we had to go through our differences and the hero would have to defeat the evil boyfriend before he could stake his claim. There was no boyfriend though.

And this wasn't a romance novel.

This was reality and reality hurts. And just like that I knew how fickle everything was. Especially the thing Sirius and I used to have. If it even was something. Too fickle, not made to build up something. Not meant to last and both of us had lived with that. I never thought of it.

Did he?

"I'm sorry." Sirius apologized and he put his hands in his coat. I held on to the paper bag in my arms. Both of us were quiet and I realized that there weren't as many people here than before.

"It's alright." I whispered. "I really should be going. I need Floo powder." Sirius nodded thoughtfully. He gave me a small wave before he moved past me. I let out a breath. I wasn't so sure what to feel.

I was mostly confused though.

"Sirius!" I turned around calling his name. He wasn't so far away yet. He turned around. His eyes met mine. I ran towards him moving around someone who would've run into me if I didn't. I stopped in front of him. "D-don't be a stranger." I told him. Oh dear Merlin, what was I getting myself into?

Sirius grinned wolfishly "Will do!" He pulled me in for a hug although it was slightly uncomfortable because of the bag between us. He let go quickly.

"I should go." I said again. "See you soon." I gave him a smile when something behind him caught my attention.

Black robe. Mask. Wand at the ready.

The smile left my face. This wasn't happening! I shouted out Sirius's name and before I knew it he had surveyed the situation and a green light shot out of the Deatheater's wand. Sirius grabbed my left arm pulling my down on the ground as his weight covered mine. I had dropped my bag in shock a long time ago. I heard people cry out in fear and the only thing I saw was the chaos surrounding us.

Sirius pulled me back on my feet in a matter of seconds, I was holding on to his coat as I realized I was shaking. A loud rumbling was in the sky and several Deatheaters apparated in front of us. Sirius cursed under his breath. Something shot out of his wand and it took me a while to figure out it was a Patronus. The Deatheaters started to fire spells randomly and as one of the spells hit the shop window next to us we got showered with broken glass. I felt one of the pieces graze my cheek.

"Stay close." Sirius ordered and I nodded getting my own wand. I wasn't really the clever one when it came to defending me. I always froze.

"_Crucio_!" I heard that and the scream that followed would haunt me for the rest of my life. I felt the blood leave my face. A hand was tugging on my arm and I let it pull me along without protest.

"Stay here! Don't move!" I didn't acknowledge the fact that he had pushed me in an alley. Nor did I acknowledge the fact that he had left me alone as he ran back to the scene.

How did I get here again?

I sank down the wall, balancing my weight on my heels. My wand was still in my hands but I couldn't remember anything what I could possibly do with it. Tears started to burn in my eyes and I felt them spill over. Stain my pale cheeks. How could this happen? One minute everything was fine, and the next everything was so chaotic. I started to shake. Feeling nauseas. I tried to ignore the screams around us but that was easier said than done.

"What do we have here? A stray girl?" I looked up with wide eyes. A dark robe stood in the only exit I could see and I sank down on my behind. He raised his wand and I grabbed my wand quickly.

"_Stupefy!"_ The spell hit him right in the chest and he fell forward. I squealed and scrambled backwards, away from the unconscious figure at my feet. I quickly tried to regain some balance as gathered all my courage. I stepped over the body and was welcomed by hell.

There was smoke, a lot. I coughed and put my hand on my mouth as I made my way through the main street of Diagon Alley. Or at least, what was left of it. I tried to look for something familiar but along with the smoke there were still people. Running around, pushing, pulling, moving in a way I never thought was possible. As many bumped into me, I fell on my back. I think I hit my head because suddenly there was something sticky, leaking on the floor. It came from me.

A hazy fog entered my mind. It wasn't the misty kind nor was it the blinding kind of fog. It was merely a fog that made it hard to move. Like strawberry pie, once you're in, you're in. And that was the same with me. I wouldn't be able to get out even if I wanted to. I closed my eyes and slowly succumbed. The voices were blocked out and the only thing I heard was this strange humming. It was killing my head.

---

"_We really shouldn't be here Sirius!" I whispered but Sirius put his finger on my mouth motioning me to be quiet. I rolled my eyes and pinched his side playfully. His fathomless grey eyes turned to mine, he was glaring. The message clear. Shut up! _

_We were standing quite closely next to each other. He was leaning over me, his back turned to the corridor as we tried to hide from Mrs Norris and Filch. As if they would come here anyway. We were hiding and the chance of us being found was slim since we didn't want to be found. As Sirius's head turned to me again, only this time closer a rush of fiery determination coursed through my veins and I pushed myself on my toes. His lips were so close to mine if I just leaned in… _

_Thank Merlin I didn't have to make that decision because he pressed his lips against mine without hesitation. I wrapped my arms around his neck immediately and he pressed his body against mine pushing me to the wall. I smiled into the kiss and I felt him grin as well. His hands ran up my sides to the sides of breasts. We've been here before. So many times actually. My stomach tightened and the butterflies made me dizzy with enticement. _

"_Merlin, you can _kiss_!" Sirius breathed and I gently pulled on his lower lip. He groaned and dived into the kiss and I started to tug on his tie. Loosening it before I discarded it on the floor. I felt one of his hands slide underneath my skirt. His hands were rough yet gentle in touch and I hissed when he breached my knickers. _

_In a matter of seconds I had unbuttoned his shirt and it was on the floor next to his tie. His hands were on my blouse now as his lips trailed down my neck to my collar bone. My legs felt like jelly and I grabbed his shoulder, digging my nails in to his skin, desperately trying to keep myself on my feet. The buttons were undone and his lips moved lower, breaching the fabric of my bra as his lips were on the swell of my breasts. _

"_Sirius." I breathed out as he pulled away the blouse and it fell from my shoulders. I stared at him and his eyes darkened in lust. We never been this far but I knew where this was going but I wasn't going to let that happen. Not in a corridor behind a tapestry. His arm went around my waist as he held me close, he was holding up my weight now. _

"_Too much?" He asked and I nodded. Both of us were breathing loudly. _

"_Not here." I told him firmly and he nodded and he bent down grabbing his shirt and mine. _

"_Lais!" _

---

Lais. My name.

"Lais!" I felt myself being shaken and my eyes snapped open. The first thing I saw was black and then the sharpest blue I've ever seen. I gasped in panic and tried to move but there was this sharp pain at the back of my skull and hands were on my shoulders, keeping me down. I raised my fists.

"Ouch, love it's me! Stop hitting me." I recognized that voice and I dropped my fists immediately. Sirius.

He cupped my face in his hands as concern reflected in his eyes. I grabbed his hands and he helped me get upright. He was asking me things but they didn't seem coherent and no matter how much I looked at his lips and tried to decipher his words, things remained the same. Incoherent. Unapproachable.

"Padfoot!"

"Here!" He shouted and I flinched at the sheer volume of his voice. His hands were rubbing up and down my arms. I didn't know that I was cold; I huddled closer to him and rested my cheek against his chest. His steady heartbeat murmuring a pattern that I started to rely on.

"Who's that?"

"It's Lais. Lais Carstens. Remember her?" His voice was frantic, hurried. "She's hurt we need to get her to Lily."

"How long has she been like this?" My eyes fluttered close.

"I don't know. It took me an hour to find her, bloody hell! Lais, stay awake_. Stay awake_!" I snapped my eyes open again and in my blurry vision his face appeared. His arm slid underneath my knees and the other behind my back as he suddenly swept me up in his arms. The face of someone familiar came in sight.

James Potter.

He looked at me with his hazel eyes. He hadn't changed much. The same messy black hair. The same black rimmed glasses. He became blurry again and I flinched when suddenly water hit my face. I gasped in shock and coughed.

"Stay with me Lais." Sirius ordered and I blinked at him.

"Get her out of here Padfoot." James urged. "I'll take care of the rest."

We apparated. Or at least I think we did. Because one second we were still in Diagon Alley and the other we were in a warm welcoming living room. Sirius was shouting again. Calling out a name I knew from years ago. Lily Evans.

"Lily!"

"I'm coming Sirius, stop shouting." A woman with long red hair appeared in view and her emerald green eyes flashed upon me.

I closed my eyes.

_A/N: Thought's anyone? I'd love to hear from you guys. _

_P.S The italics were flashbacks from year seven! They're a huge part of the story and slowly you'll understand what truly was the cause for the slight 'resentment' Lais has towards Sirius. _


	3. While The Joker And I Went On Our Own

_Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. _

_A/N: Thank you so much for the support! I'm surprised people are liking it so far :D So anyways, here it is :)  
A shout out to my penpal mrspendragon!!! Seriously, If I hadn't had you I wouldn't be able to convey my ideas into chapter at all! So go check out her magnificent story, if you like Narnia fics. It's called "Practically Family"!!! _

_**While The Joker And I Went On Our Own Way**_

_Anger, that was what I was feeling. Anger, rage, and I was clinging to it like a little kid does to its stuffed animal. Inseparable. But it was pointless. Ridiculous and I was better off keeping my distance from that same anger that made me furious and almost unaccountable. Who was I to not be held accountable for my actions? I was just a silly girl who let her hormones take over. I was just like everyone else who got themselves involved with that stupid black-haired Black. He was just like his family, indifferent. He could care less about what happened to his 'conquests'. All in good fun, huh?_

"_Lais." His voice annoyed me. I didn't want to hear it. I quickly grabbed my books and stuffed them in my bag and stood up. I ignored my best friends who called out my name, instead I moved to the door and quickly left the Charms classroom. I was good at avoiding him. I've been doing it for a few days now._

"_LAIS!" I turned around and I saw him murmur something to his friends Potter and Lupin as he quickly slung his bag over his shoulder, he was running in my direction. I quickly quickened my pace. I was determined not to talk to him. Even if it meant running like an idiot to avoid him._

_I could see other students give me a confused look. I mean, it did look a bit strange, seeing me run away from Sirius Black while only a week ago we were attached to the hip. I also knew their other thoughts. There goes another girl who got herself hung up on Sirius Black. The pity or slight amusement, and the latter mostly from the girls, did nothing but encourage my anger._

_Running from Sirius Black was easier said than done. I was already getting tired of it because my endurance and stamina would never measure up to his but somehow it only fuelled my frustration and eventually he caught up with me and harshly pulled me to a stop. _

"_What the bloody hell was _that_ about?" He demanded. He was standing in front of me now. His school uniform looked messy and he was rubbing the back of his neck, although there was something in his eyes I couldn't quite decipher. _

"_I don't know what you're talking about." I murmured loud enough for him to hear. There were people looking at us and I purposely avoided his eyes while I heard him scowl at my response. _

"_The hell you do." He said sharply and I crossed my arms stiffly, looking at the wall behind him. He didn't even know what was wrong. _

"_Well, if you're done now. I have DADA to go to." I said and I uncrossed my arms ready to move past him._

"_Not so fast." He responded quickly and he grabbed my arm. I glared at him and before I knew it he had pulled us into a broom closet. _

"_What do you think you're doing?" I demanded. There were a lot of dust bunnies in this particular broom closet and I sneezed a few times as they tickled my nostrils._

"_Bless you." He said. "Now, are you ready to talk?"_

"_Since when do you even talk?" I asked and put my bag on the floor as I crossed my arms again. I chose to look him right in the eye. We were here, and apparently it was time for confrontation. I just wish he hadn't initiated it because now I don't know what say and how to react. I'm wearing my feelings on my sleeve right now._

"_Funny." He muttered dryly. "But I do talk. Unlike some." And he looked at me after he said that, I glared at him and huffed._

"_That's rich coming from you." _

"_Lais, what the bloody hell is your problem?" He demanded and he leant against the wall. Our bodies were awkwardly close to each other and instead of liking it, like I used to, I loathed it with every cell in my being and I couldn't get away from him enough._

"_As if you care." I spat. "So why don't you just drop the act and show your true colours." I quickly turned to the door and put my weight to it._

"_The door won't open." I murmured. "Shit." I pushed even more, nothing happened. I pulled out my wand when Sirius quickly took it from me._

"_Leave the door." Sirius replied, my wand in his hands. "I'm talking to you." _

"_As if I don't know." I replied scathingly eying my wand in his hands. _

"_Well, you are giving me that impression, love." Sirius said and I saw the ghost of a smirk on his face._

_I almost screamed in frustration and decided to leave the door. "What do you want from me Sirius?" I couldn't help but feel and sound a bit defeated. He had me cornered. Sooner or later it would all come bursting out._

"_Why are you avoiding me?" _

"_Because I don't want to be near you." I responded monotone. I shuffled with my feet as I tried to ignore the sting of tears. "Give me back my wand."_

"_Oh, well." He frowned and ignored my demand, instead he put his hand on my shoulder. I flinched and he pulled away. Thank Merlin for that. "Why?" _

_I mock laughed and looked at Sirius this time. I saw the genuine confusion in his eyes and wondered whether he really was as daft as he looked or if it was an act. "Is it fun?" I asked? "Do you enjoy yourself when you lie to people, when you use them for your own fun?" I hissed. I looked at him as he looked back confused._

"_Lais I don't-"_

"_Stop lying!" I almost screamed. "You know what you did!"_

"_Not if you don't tell me!" He yelled back and I raised my hands and hit him in the chest with my fists. With the one act of violence I lost it. The fatigue and the feeling of losing something crept up and consumed me. It was done._

"_We're done. It's over." I said evenly. "And the next time you decide to sleep with someone, at least make sure you've closed the door." I saw several emotions cross his face but one remained. Guilt. _

"_Lais, let me explain." He said, panic evident. I looked at him incredulously._

"_I don't need your explanation."I responded. "And stay the bloody hell away from me." Tears were collecting in my eyes. _

"_Lais." He reached out. I moved away from him and started pushing at the door. It didn't budge._

"_Open the door." I ordered. The tears were falling down now. _

"_Lais, I-" I cut him off._

"_Open the _bloody_ door!" I hissed. I pulled at the door knob a few times, rattling it but there was no movement. I turned to Sirius as he used my wand. He waved at the door and as soon as I saw the door open I was gone. The corridor was empty now and I assumed the others were gone to their classes. As a matter of fact, I was supposed to be in my class._

_Wiping away the tears I quickly entered my DADA class. With my head down I ignored Professor Jenkins reprimand and sat down next to Darcy. She didn't say a word and I chose to react upon that with my own silence. Five minutes later the door opened again and Sirius came in. In his hands were my bag and my wand, he wordlessly dropped it next to my chair and sat down on the chair next to Lupin. _

_I glanced at him and our eyes met. _

"Lais._ Wake _up! Damnitt, open your eyes!"

"...not responding."

"Stop yelling...doesn't help..."

"Say something... _anything_..."

"_Lais._"

Short snippets of words reached my eardrums. Some of the voices I recognized, the others I couldn't place. A warm hand pressed my cheek, the thumb underneath my eye. "Lais." The hurricane of words were now settling down and I was able to hear him. "Can you hear me?" I hmm'd in response and took a raspy breath. My lips felt chapped and dry and I licked them in order to moisten them. The hand left my face and moved a few strands of hair. The warmth it radiated was comfortable.

"Open your eyes, love." It ordered gently yet firmly. The demand behind the request was obvious.

"Hmmm..." I trailed off and pressed closer to the hand. I now felt the soft cushions I was laying on and it offered support to my already sore back. I fluttered my eyes as the blaring lights assaulted me with a flash of pain. I groaned and wanted to raise my hand to cover my eyes. I couldn't though, my limbs felt heavy like they were made of concrete.

"Try again." He pressed and with a lot of wincing I was able to crack my eyes open. The first thing that came in view was a whirlwind of colours. I could see the flashes of black as the white colour dominated practically everything. I murmured something incoherently and finally I was able to focus on something.

Sirius was hovering over me. His features anxious as he frowned down at me. I blinked a few times before realizing what happened. Diagon Alley. Sirius. Deatheaters. I groaned and Sirius pulled away, yelling something. I winced, the volume hurting my head. "Sorry." He apologised as suddenly a vibrant red came in view.

"Sirus, give her some room to breathe. You're going to smother her." The voice sounded familiar. Lily. Sirius moved away though and Lily took his place. Leaning over me as she tapped her wand against my head. Slowly the throbbing headache I didn't know I had reduced to a minimum and I was able to look into the light without my skull splitting in two.

"Here, drink this." Lily said gently and several hands helped me into a sitting position. I eyed the vial with suspicion in my eyes. I knew what it was. The taste however, was something I didn't like. So pardon my reluctance.

"Take it." Sirius ordered and Lily gave him a pointed look and I took the vial, holding it in my numb fingers. I quickly downed the drink and shuddered.

"Merlin, that's horrid." I said, my voice cracking.

"It'll make you feel better though." Lily responded as she took the vial and stood up. She was right, I didn't feel as horrible as I did before. I turned to Sirius as he gave me a tight smile. I smiled back weakly. I felt uncomfortable with the close proximity and I wanted nothing else but to run.

"I need to go home." I murmured as I eyed the clock. It was nearing midnight and I knew that I had to report to my brother Alec. I was supposed to meet him from dinner but I also knew that he wouldn't be home because of the attack at Diagon Alley. Shit.

"Not so fast." Sirius grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back on the couch. "You're not going anywhere." I frowned. "Not after you scared the shit out of me." I sighed.

"You're overreacting." I told him and I tried again to stand up. "Now move."

"Lais. You just woke up. Don't you think you ought to give your body some rest?" I pursed my lips and crossed my arms in annoyance.

"Sirius, Lily just healed me." I told him. Reminder to self, thank Lily! "I think I'm fine."

"That's no excuse." Sirius argued. His gray eyes sharply boring into mine. I swallowed thickly. His eyes always were my weak spot. I thought I had built some resistance towards those eyes in the four years we hadn't seen each other, but apparently even I was wrong.

"Look, thank you for your concern but it's not necessary." Nor is it appreciated. I added but I doubted that it would go well with Sirius if I had told him that. He gave me an exasperated look.

"I give up." He threw his arms up. "Lils, why don't you give it a try?" Lily appeared, her red hair vibrant as ever. Was it me or was it even more crimson than before. Right, I think I do have a concussion if I'm paying too much attention to Lily's hair.

"Sirius, she's fine." Lily sided with me. I mentally patted myself on the back. "If she wants to go home, then she can. And don't you look at me like that." Lily added when Sirius gave her a betrayed look.

"See?" I taunted and his harsh glare descended on me. I quickly turned to Lily. "Thank you for healing me."

"You're welcome. Do take care of yourself and go to a healer if your head bothers you. Faintness, nausea, don't hesitate." I nodded.

"I thought you healed her?" Sirius said sourly. I rolled my eyes. I see he still hadn't lost the habit of behaving like a three year old.

"I did." Lily emphasised. "It's simply routine. Anyways. Why don't you drop her off at home. I'm sure she'd appreciate it. Especially after what happened at Diagon Alley. Have you seen James?" Her eyes had perked up when she said her husband's name. "He's alright, isn't he?"

"James is fine. The Deatheaters were long gone when the aurors arrived. It wasn't a serious attack. Just poking some fun and scaring the living daylights out of people." Lily nodded although the tinge of worry was still in her eyes. I couldn't imagine how that felt.

"Anyway, off you go you two." Lily ushered us. Sirius gave me a look and motioned me to hold on.

"Wait." I stopped. "You don't know where I live." Sirius nodded and I quickly gave him my address. I wasn't sure whether that was such a great idea. I had done a lot to keep Sirius out of my life. Even though both of us worked at the Ministry, but you'd be surprised to know that you can avoid people perfectly at the Ministry. Especially since both of us worked at different levels.

He was an auror. A junior Auror though. He just finished his exams and I was an Unspeakable. Specialized in potions. I was most of the time brewing potions and observing their effects. So I was quite content that I was able to keep my distance. But I'm not going to lie, I knew all of this because I was still painfully aware of him. Horribly so. It was almost bordering on pathetic and Merlin knew that, that was the case when it came to Sirius Black.

"Aren't you glad I'm here?" Sirius grunted as he tried to keep me on my feet with one hand as the other held his wand. He waved it at the front door and he quickly pocketed his wand before fully picking me up. My head was spinning and I wanted to throw up but my stomach was empty and it clenched painfully. Slowly the black spot subsided and I felt Sirius put me on the couch before he moved out of my vision. I grunted and leant backwards. I knew that this was going to happen. Apparating after a head injury isn't the greatest thing to do.

"Here." A glass of water appeared and I gently took it. Flexing my other hand. I took a few sips as Sirius sat down next to me on the couch. "You okay?" I nodded and put the glass away.

"You really ought to put up some wards here." Sirius commented and I raised my eyebrows at him. "You know, for safety. You never know when the Deatheaters will decide to attack." I scoffed.

"I doubt they'd be interested in me, Sirius." I told him dryly.

"Maybe not you specifically but torturing a young woman might be on their to do list." He responded, a tinge of anger in his voice for my indifference.

"Piss of Black." I snapped and Sirius gave me a glare. "Why do you even care?" Sirius's pointed look made my heart heavy but this time I was going to ignore my heart fully and focus with my rational mind. At least that wouldn't cause me any trouble. Not on purpose of course.

"Right. Well, I'm off. Take care Lais." Sirius said dismissively and before I knew it he had apparated. I sighed as his presence had left my apartment and somehow I felt a tinge of remorse. Maybe I should've toned it down a bit and been nice to him. Or at least polite. He did help me get to Lily and he did make sure I was alright. I couldn't deny the fact he wasn't worried. His concern radiated off his whole posture. I groaned and covered my face with my hands.

Why now? I was doing great without him.

I needed to see Alec. I got up and moved to the small fireplace I had in my apartment. I then frowned. In all the chaos I had forgotten the one thing I really needed and my purpose of going to Diagon Alley in the first place. Floo powder. Bloody hell!

_A/N: So thoughts?_


	4. But What Kind Of Heart Doesn't Look Back

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything!_

_A/N: So I'm not going to bother with excuses for the lack of updates. But let's just say a writer's block hit me, and it hit me hard. I'm sorry though, yet grateful for the reviews I received :) Thank you very much for sticking around. So without further ado, enjoy this chapter. I made it slightly longer than the others. You can expect more updates the size of this chapter :) _

_P.S Thank you Molivline for being such a loyal reader :)  
_

_But What Kind Of Heart Doesn't Look Back?_

It had been a few weeks since I had last seen Sirius. There were some words that floated around my head, that hovered, wanting to be vocalised. But there were bigger things at stake here. One of them was that I was going to put myself in a vulnerable position if I let myself to be involved with Sirius again. For some reason, I felt so horribly fragile, out of place, out of balance when I was with him. As if the differences between the two of us were too pronounced and being together; in any way, put the emphasis on the fact I was so unlike him. And I wasn't a masochist, I didn't _want_ him around, not that way at least. I was sick and tired of being the lovesick fool. Those days were over. Pretty words and loving hands weren't going to pull me under again. I wasn't that naive, despite what he might think. Right now my priorities were keeping the facts straight.

And that didn't include him.

"You're dreaming again." Alec pointed out and he gave me a calculating stare before sitting down next to me on the couch. Alec was a lot like me besides his eyes. Our similarities ended there. His being brown and mine being blue. I shrugged.

"Sorry." I said, purely out of courtesy. He put his hand on my shoulder giving it a small squeeze.

"Say, I wanted to ask you." Alec began. "This Sirius bloke." I stiffened slightly and wondered if he had noticed. "Do I have to thank him or should I kick his arse?" He tilted his head to the side as he eyed me through the corner of his eye. I blinked a few times before turning my head to his. "Don't think I haven't noticed Lais."

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." I lied poorly. Alec shook his head before leaning against the seat.

"I've seen that face before." He continued. "Though it's been a while." I raised my eyebrows.

"Alec, what are you on about?"

"Lais, I'm your brother. I know these kind of things. Granted I'm not an expert, but still." He sighed, dropping his eyes to the floor. "Care to tell me what happened?" His eyes were now drilling a hole in my head.

I turned my eyes to floor as well, finding it so much more interested than the corner Alec was driving me into. I felt caught, only I didn't have the imagination to escape. I decided to shrug again. Shrugging felt good. Very blasé. Indifferent perhaps. But that was what I was going for. If I could convince him that I wasn't feeling like screaming than perhaps he would take a few steps back. Get out of my personal bubble. Not that he was being that annoyingly persistent.

"What do you want to know?" I asked. Perhaps if I approached this on his way of handling things maybe I'd be able to tell him another story. One that wasn't too far off from the actual truth. Alec raised his eyebrows at me. I could feel the incredulity radiate off him.

Alec shook his head slowly. "Don't do me a favour, Lais." I let out a small sigh.

"Well, what else do you want?" I asked somewhat harshly. "You never interrogate Cato or Mona like this." I pointed out, referring to our sisters. He rolled his eyes.

"Well that is because Mona is old enough to make her own decisions and Cato well, I don't have to worry about her because she is scary enough to chase away a bloke. You on the other hand." He crossed his arms and I hated the look in his eyes.

"Unlike Cato, I have a wand to protect myself. So don't you dare finish that sentence." I threatened and Alec rolled his eyes again before a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Cato was a squib. Which was quite a surprise since we never had problems in our family when it came to magic. My mother was a muggleborn and my dad a pureblood. It was a perfect match, or so it was supposed to be. For some odd reason Cato never showed any signs of magic. None, whereas Kyron already has magic and he is only five years old.

Cato wasn't too fond of it. She viciously hated every bit of it, especially since my parents decided to enrol her into a muggle school. She was the only one of our family who had to. And even though our parents had always said that it didn't matter and that she was special in her own way, it had made no difference in her opinion. She held a grudge. One that was mostly directed towards Mona. For some reason she resented her more than the rest of us. I reckon it was because Mona had everything Cato had always wanted. A job as a healer, a steady boyfriend, probably soon to be fiancé, and a perfect house in London city. Cato however was nineteen. And she had dropped out of university. The reasons unknown. So she spent her time at mum and dad's house. Isolating herself even more.

"True, but she has a mean punch, love." Alec pointed out and with that he pulled me back to his living room.

I let out a laugh at that. How true that was. Cato always took the word 'overcompensating' a bit too heart and well, it was basically what she did. Overcompensate. The smile faded away sooner than thought though and I frowned again. I sat down at the dining table as Suzy poked her head around the corner. Her blonde hair was tied up in a bun at the back of her head and her green eyes sparkled with curiosity as she eyed the sullen look on my face. Was it _that_ obvious that I wore my heart on my sleeve?

She gave me a sympathetic look. The whole aftermath of the attack on Diagon Alley hadn't been kept a secret. Especially since Sirius hadn't kept his mouth shut to my brother.

_He meant well, though._

Or that was what I tried to convince myself of. I wanted to believe that, since I had been somewhat ungrateful. But I didn't want to give him an invitation to walk right back into my life that easily. In fact, I didn't him in my life that way at all. I was doing pretty well before. And since our graduation party I hadn't spoken a word to him. Well, that was before I sort of fell into his arm during the attack. The shame barked loudly in the pit of my stomach, it ached and churned and I wanted to bury my head beneath something solid.

"Why don't you stay for dinner, Lais?" Suzy offered and I glanced at her briefly before shaking my head. I didn't want to impose on their 'romantic' dinner. I could see she was dressed up for a reason.

"No, it's alright. I have somewhere to be anyways." I told her and she gave me a small smile when suddenly Alec's voice boomed behind me.

"Where exactly?" He asked sharply. "I thought I told you not to wander off at night." I rolled my eyes.

"Well unlike you, I actually _need_ a social life." His lips curled into a scoff and I gave him a pointed look to shut him up. "And besides, I won't be alone. I'll be with Darcy and Georgiana." My two best friends since Hogwarts.

It had been a while since the three of us had hung out together and today seemed like the perfect day for some distraction. So I jumped at the opportunity to spend some time with them. Georgiana had a boyfriend so finding her without her other half was something quite unusual. But Fallon Wood was abroad for the time being. Darcy on the other hand seemed to bury herself with work. I never realised that working for Daily Prophet could be such a time vacuum.

"Oh." Alec seemed frazzled and I could tell that he still didn't approve.

"Alec, let her go." Suzy interrupted and she wrapped her arm around his waist. "She's quite capable of taking care of herself." Thank you Suzy! I send her a smile that Alec didn't see and she winked at me.

"I still don't like the idea of you girls-" I rolled my eyes before grabbing my coat.

"Well I don't care. So you two have fun tonight while I go enjoy myself." Otherwise known as drink myself into oblivion.

_**XXXXXXXXXX**_

"You know, I can truly get used to Fallon not being around. I mean, I never realised before but I barely spent any time with you two because I was always so preoccupied with Fallon. Which of course isn't that big of a deal if you think about it. But you two are my best friends and friends come before men. Well, Fallon isn't just any random guy though. He's-" And it went on and on and on. I glanced at Darcy briefly and she rolled her brown eyes exasperatedly.

We were used to this by now. Georgiana rambling when drunk. Or slightly intoxicated which was probably the case with her since she couldn't hold her liquor that well. Same went for me. I was an incredible lightweight, however, I did make sure I didn't consume much to cross my limit. But tonight was a different case. I was planning to get drunk. I _had_ to get drunk. Let's go wild and forget everything about Sirius Black's pretty head. From his grey eyes till his sharp and utterly defined features. I groaned and took another shot of Firewhiskey. It seemed Darcy was going to be the designated Apparater tonight.

"Gee!" I almost wailed. "We get it!" I tried to suppress a burp. "Fallon is..." My stomach churned. Merlin, who knew that Firewhiskey could lead to gas? I rubbed my stomach before turning back to Georgiana again. I was still in the middle of my sentence. "We know he's the one."

Her blue eyes turned my way and I could see them narrow. "Well, pardon _me_ for sharing the details of my love life with you. Especially since the two of you are supposed to be living vicariously through _ME_!" I raised my eyebrows at her. She huffed muttering a few things I didn't hear beneath her breath. I turned to Darcy.

"Did you hear that? She thinks we love to hear about her and Fallon because the two of us don't have any boyfriends." I turned to Georgiana again. "Gee, I need distraction f_rom_ men. And it's a tad hard to accomplish that since you've been babbling about Fallon all night long. So there goes your theory about the two of us" I pointed a finger at Darcy before bringing it back to me. "living vicariously through you."

Darcy snorted and I could see a grin colour her face. Georgiana huffed. "Fine." Her voice was awfully high. "I won't talk about him. But you have to tell me why you're not 'living vicariously through me'?" I gulped visibly.

So this was what I was avoiding. I wasn't going to tell Darcy and Georgiana about the fact that Sirius had been on my mind far too often since the Diagon Alley incident. Nor did I want to. However, I did feel like I should at least elaborate on the events that had pushed me into this night. Then again, it was the same thing as telling them, and since I really didn't want to. Why bother?

"Well, that's because I don't need men." I told her lamely. Even to my ears that sounded poor. I was viciously hoping that Georgiana wouldn't notice, as intoxicated as she was. However, Darcy wasn't. She was completely sober. And she was eying me with a disbelieving look on her face. The whole night she hadn't said much. And at first I hadn't quite noticed since Georgiana was saying plenty. But now I actually realised that Darcy was pretty quiet. Even more than usual.

"Right." Georgiana scoffed. "And Snape wasn't queer!" She rolled her eyes and I blanched slightly at her bluntness. She threw her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulders before giving me a long stare when suddenly she widened her eyes. "I need to use the loo." She announced and she was gone in a split second. Leaving me alone with Darcy.

Maybe going to the pub in Diagon Alley wasn't such a bright idea in the first place. Even I could feel the nausea churn in my stomach right now. Oh Merlin, I was such a lightweight. I let out a sigh and rested my head on my hands. The loud sounds of the pub falling in the background. Chatters, nameless voices, wordless sounds. Everything was like a haze and I felt like I was being transported back to something important. Something that put me here in the first place a very, very long time ago.

"_You're such a lightweight." Sirius commented. His sharp grey eyes dancing with mirth. I let out an unladylike snort. _

"_As if you're so brilliant at holding your liquor." Stop talking Lais. You're drunk. "I've seen the aftermath plenty enough." I told him. I was surprised I wasn't slurring but I reckon my equilibrium made up for that. I let out a soft sigh and turned my head to him. I realised I was standing here, talking to Sirius Black. The one person I never had a 'proper' conversation with in all the six years I've spent at Hogwarts. And now, in our seventh year he was suddenly interested. _

_Sirius let out a barking laughter and it was so incredibly infectious that I couldn't help myself but laugh as well. So here we were. In the Gryffindor common room. The first Quidditch match of the season already played and won. Guess a party was only appropriate. I eyed Sirius through the corner of my eyes and I realised that I actually liked talking to him. I could feel my feet sway slightly and I found myself leaning against him, not heavily though. You wouldn't even be able to notice it. Were you not aware of it of course._

"_Oh I remember." Sirius said. "Or well not entirely but thanks. James told me that you helped out." I shrugged and I pushed myself away from him slightly. His scent intoxicating me even more. I shouldn't have done that though. Because one second I was merely leaning away from him and the other my feet gave away from under me and I found myself looking at the Sirius from down below. _

"_Ow!" I groaned loudly. And to my embarrassment people were laughing at me. Some pointed fingers while the others just laughed for a few minutes before turning their heads to something else. Guess I wasn't that time consuming. _

"_Up you get." Sirius muttered in my ear as he hauled me to my feet. "Come on!" I could hear him grunt in my ear as he kept his arm around my waist. I found myself leaning into him again. Only with a different meaning. _

_I was most definitely too drunk. Please, oh please don't hold me accountable for what I'm going to do. _

_Sirius frowned at me when I realised I hadn't answered his questioned. He was talking to me. I blinked a few times and gave him a happy smile. Probably one that was a bit too bright. "Lais?" He shook me slightly and my eyes widened a bit. "You alright?"_

"_Peachy." I muttered back and I was leaning again. Only now I was on the tip of my toes. And his face was incredibly close._

_Our lips were practically begging to close the distance between us and I found the pit of my stomach tighten with the idea of _his_ kiss. One idea that seemed to be close to accomplishment. My hand rested on his chest, his hand over it, keeping it in place. I pushed myself higher on my toes and practically slammed my lips against his. Our lips moved in a series of toe-curling-kisses. My other arm wrapping around his neck. For some reason Public Display of Affection didn't seem that bad right now. Not when you're a part of it. My head spun with the lack of oxygen but it kept spinning with the idea of separating my lips from his. His tongue pried open my lips, not waiting for a response before plunging inside, exploring what he did not yet know. _

_His hand rested on the small of my back before moving up my back, resting on the back of my neck as he kept my head in place while ravaging my mouth. With a gasp I pulled away. My chest heaving as I took in the long desired oxygen. Our eyes met immediately and the question in them was hard not to notice. How easily this kiss sobered me up. _

"_Uhm." I stammered and Sirius gave me a brief grin, thinking it was because of his kissing expertise I was speechless. Not that it wasn't a contributing factor. I was more shocked at the fact I had kissed someone so openly, not to mention that it was Sirius Black no less._

"_Want to continue this upstairs?" He asked. Merlin, he really did move fast. I found myself agreeing and he lead me up the staircase to the boys dormitory. Our lips were attached to each other the second we were out of everyone's sight. _

_The door slammed behind us and Sirius quickly worked on the buttons of the blouse I was wearing. His hand exploring my bare skin with such ease and comfort it made me uncomfortable. How could a seventeen-year-old boy be so incredibly _good_ at what he did in the bedroom? I mean, this was nothing but he was quite eager, or so it seemed. I put my hands on his shoulders. _

"_W-wait." I gasped. "P-perhaps we should do this slowly?" I proposed and his grey eyes settled on me. I could see the slight concern and just like that I felt some strange affection for him._

_How was it that Sirius Black could seduce a girl like this? _

_But when it came to me and Sirius Black, there was a weakness that made me agree to everything he said. Strength be damned. If I could do things to him, the one I dreamed about, then yes I was all game._

_Sirius opened his mouth to reply but I found myself cutting him off. "Never mind, I'll stop talking." And I reached up to his face to press my lips against his again. He responded to my kisses immediately as I did to his touch. My blouse was discarded somewhere on the floor as my hands grasped his bare biceps tightly. Trying to keep myself on my feet. In a few minutes I found myself on my back as he hovered above me. The two of us in half-naked. I blinked up at him languidly. _

"_Hey! That's funny." I mentioned. "I can see _two_ Sirius's." I frowned. Oh, hang on. That wasn't something good. And apparently Sirius agreed because he frowned again._

"_Maybe we should do this when you're sober." He responded back and I shook my head as I tried to get upright when that motion brought me back in my former position._

"_No-oh. Never mind." Sirius dropped down next to me. Our sides were touching. _

_And this was how I, Lais Carstens, ended up in his bed. And we didn't even do _much.

"Lais?" A hand passed my vision and I came back to the present with a loud bang. I blinked a few times and looked at Darcy, half expecting Sirius to pop up. "You alright?" She asked me cautiously. I nodded slowly. Guess I was sobering up now.

"Peachy." I mumbled and I gave her a weak smile. One she didn't respond to.

"I think you should go home. Come on, I'll drop you and Gee off!" I nodded slowly.

"That would be nice, yeah." I told her. Suddenly this night wasn't as distracting as I wanted it to be.

"Speaking of Gee." Darcy continued. "Where the bloody hell is she?" I shrugged.

"Loo?" I offered and Darcy rolled her eyes, something she did far too many times.

"I'll go look. You stay put."

"Not moving." I held up my hands in the air as she eyed me with a warning. "Go!"

As I was all alone now a few things happened simultaneously. One was that I came to a realisation how incredibly weak I was when it came to Sirius Black. From the beginning I had given myself far too easily to him. I wasn't even coy, not I resembled the exact thing I resented. A common whore. I felt a bile at the back of my throat. God, I was so stupid. I put my hand against my forehead, trying to rub away the memories that seemed to be hitting me in the face for the past few minutes. Please, leave me alone. I chanted.

The second thing I noticed however was that there was someone staring at me. And that someone was exactly the one person I didn't want to see. I widened my eyes and quickly got off my seat.

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear." I murmured lowly as his grey eyes met mine.

What the bloody hell was Sirius doing here?

_A/N: Thoughts are thoroughly appreciated in the form of a review :)_


	5. You And I Walk A Fragile Line

**Disclaimer: **_Nothing is mine, all is borrowed from the brilliant mind of J.K. Rowling! _

**A/N: **_So sorry for the delay. Excuses are faulty and mean and I know I might as well not bother to try and come up with those. But honestly, life is time consuming and I wasn't interested in writing this fic anymore. Partly, because I was more interested in my other fics. Hence I left this one behind. I'll try to be more consistent with the updates, because this one has a plot and Lais has a story to tell._

_Second of all, thank you for your lovely reviews :) They always make me so happy and see, I'm updating two of my fics in two days :O Now that's something to be proud of :) I hope you guys will like this one and I love to hear from all of you. _

_Special shout out to **Homeric**, for blowing some music into my muse :)_

_You And I Walk A Fragile Line_

"Excuse me."-"So sorry."-"Pardon me!" Were the words that kept escaping my mouth as I manoeuvred through the throng of people. I should've known that there was little time to catch up with Sirius and he had a talent for disappearing, which never went by unaccredited. My head was somewhat spinning as the Fire whiskey went down to my legs. Perhaps I shouldn't have stood up so fast. But I couldn't help myself. I had to get to Sirius. My hands were itching for a fight. But there were things, little tugs of my subconscious that just knew that the reason I was so eager to move to him was because I couldn't wait to see him.

It had been weeks now.

I inhaled sharply as the outside chill hit my body full-fledged. I wasn't wearing my coat, my hands bare as the wind picked it up a few notches. My eyes skimmed the almost deserted Diagon Alley. There weren't that many people out and about nowadays. The few that went and came already holed up inside the pubs. I blinked and wrapped my arms around my waist, hesitating whether I should go or not.

After all, there was no trace of him. He was good at that. Disappearing, but I had mentioned that earlier. No need to repeat things. But with Sirius, everything was on repeat. One of the few lads that was possible of making the same mistake over and over again.

I did the same thing too.

Another kind of masochist. As if I was a glutton for punishment. The worst part was the fact that most masochists actually got something from it. Some kind of compensation. I didn't get anything at all.

It was dark outside as I rounded another corner. Something in the corner of my mind told me I was a bloody idiot. And every cell in my being agreed. But when matters of the heart were involved every rational thought was damned and discarded. Same thing right now.

Seeing Diagon Alley like this made me doubt Sirius's presence. I bet he was already gone. Though I shouldn't have expected anything else. Especially since I had caught him red handed watching us.

Why was he watching me in the first place? I doubted he was there just for "fun". Sirius didn't do fun on his own. He had his minions for that.

As I continued my walk through Diagon Alley I heard a harsh whisper. Almost a hiss and I frowned, stopping my feet as I strained my ears for coherency.

"You idiot!" A voice hissed. "Do you have any idea what's at stake here?"

"I-I-I k-know b-but there is a c-chance she w-won't find o-out." The second voice, much higher and trembling was somewhat familiar and I found myself pressing against the dusty brick wall that apparently separated one part of the alley from the other.

"That's not good enough!" The first voice was raised now, and evoked a chill on my bare arms.

"She's just a-a g-girl." The second voice replied. "She's n-not e-even part of t-the O-order."

"Be quiet, you fool!"

I narrowed my eyes and took a step closer. The Order? What was the order? What kind of order?

Suddenly a sinking feeling in my stomach appeared. I was eavesdropping on something possibly dangerous. And nowadays nothing was safe, no one was to be trusted. What was I doing? The Fire Whiskey must've made a few brain cells disappear because I certainly wouldn't do something like this. I wasn't accident prone. I was cautious. And for some odd reason I had left every single habit of mine behind as I ran out the pub to follow that ridiculous heart throb of mine.

I squinted my eyes and looked around. It seemed I wasn't even in Diagon Alley anymore. I was somewhere else; Knockturn Alley.

I hadn't known I had strayed that far for everyone else.

"These matters should not even be discussed in here." The first voice continued. "Not without the Dark Lord's spy."

"A-are you sure he is to be trusted?" The second voice questioned. "We do not even know who we are working for."

"He's part of the Dark Lords servants. That should be enough Murray!" I blinked.

_The Dark Lord!_

Stumbling down to my back the facts ran havoc in my mind. The Dark Lord. I had now officially caused so much trouble it could last me a whole lifetime. Which I was certain it would do. Not realising that I had made such a ruckus while falling the two voices halted in their conversation.

"Quiet, what was that?"

I widened my eyes and crawled back to my feet in an instant, my head spun as I let out a whimper and ran for it.

"Damnitt! Get her!"

And now I had really done it.

_**XXXXXXXXX**_

Having no idea how to get rid of the two demons running behind me I took a left, ending up somewhere unfamiliar. My heart was beating its way out of my chest as I felt the panic overwhelm me. Which way to go? I could hear them follow me, but I had no idea from which way they were coming. At least, they hadn't fired any spells. Yet!

A sharp red flash caught me off guard and I screamed, dropping to the ground as it rained shards of glass. There went that comfort.

"Move you moron! GET HER!" Scrambling back to my feet as I tried to ignore the sharp pieces of glass in my skin, I ran.

Where was my wand? I patted my pockets but then realised I had given it to Darcy for fear I would try to apparate in such an inebriated state. Stupid girl! I cursed and turned my head to see two dark figures move towards me. I sincerely hoped they didn't recognise me, or at least didn't see my face. If I made it out alive I would have to need more than just a wee bit of luck to remain that way.

I turned another corner and was surprised to see that it went two ways, choosing the narrow road to hide I dropped to my knees and hid behind the small tin bin and put my hand in front of my mouth.

I was not going to cry, I fervently thought. No time to panic, just stay calm and try to think rationally.

_How to think rationally when bloody death eaters were trying to kill you?_

As I heard the soft patting of footsteps come closer I held in my breath. There were many ways to die, some more colourful and painful than the other. I had never thought of a way to go yet. I was only twenty-one. My birthday wasn't in another month. Surely they couldn't deny me the luxury of having at least one more birthday.

But I sincerely doubted they would care for such trivial things.

They weren't for me though.

Suddenly something pushed away the bin harshly and grey eyes appeared in my view. Forgetting the fact I should've been discreet I opened my mouth to scream when a hand roughly clamped over it, cutting off any sound.

I blinked and raised my hands to dig my nails into his skin when suddenly I was able to place those eyes.

Sirius.

I inhaled sharply as he dropped his hand.

"Shhh!" he ordered me. "They're close." I let out my breath in short stops and nodded quickly.

How odd it was to feel relieved in a split second. Because that was the only way to describe how I felt when I realised that Sirius was here with me. He was still up on his feet, his wand in one hand while the other was holding on to my air that seemed to dangle in the air. His eyes however, were narrowed and checking every corner for foes unknown.

"Come on, we have to go!" He said firmly and he swiftly pulled me to my feet. Stumbling behind him I let him lead to where ever he wanted to take me.

Just for now. I promised myself. When we're safe I'll tell him off. Not now.

"W-where are we going?" Stop talking I ordered. Please stop talking.

"Not here, Lais." Sirius had a way of saying my name. Unfortunately he still remembered how to say it in that particular way.

"B-but-"

"Not now!" Sirius hissed as he pulled me close to him. We descended the few steps in the road when suddenly Sirius pushed me behind him. I held in my breath again.

"She's here somewhere. I know she is." I froze. They were closer than I originally thought.

"Get back." Sirius whispered. "We're is your wand?" He suddenly asked and I opened my mouth, not able to speak.

He frowned before shaking his head slightly.

"What are we going to do?" I asked him shakily.

"I'll tell you what you are _not_ going to do." I frowned at him, unable to understand his meaning. "When I tell you to run, you're going to run."

I blinked a few times.

"And you?" He didn't answer when suddenly Sirius raised his wand and fired a spell at one of the figures, he fell down like a brick. I screamed as Sirius pushed me back and ordered me to run. Not grasping the concept of danger I stood still when suddenly a ray of light shone across one's face and our eyes met. My blood ran cold.

"Why didn't you run, you idiot!" Stunned by the death eater I let Sirius drag me away from the scene. His hand firmly clasped around mine felt like an iron rope which was the only secure thing holding me. My legs were like jelly yet I kept on running as my head continued to spin.

"Sirius. He's following us." I whispered, I knew he wasn't able to hear me. Between his own cursing and firing curses I was certain that sometimes you're a bit too preoccupied to listen to the lunatic attached to you.

And now I really knew that I had one too many Fire whiskeys.

"In here!" Sirius hissed as he suddenly pulled me into another alley. I had seen parts of Diagon Alley in a whole different light now.

"He'll find us!" I whispered harshly and I turned my head to see whether we were already discovered when suddenly I heard the rustling of clothing. I turned around and saw Sirius with a cloak. "What are you doing?" I questioned.

"We can't apparate because he'll follow us and with you being all." He didn't finish his sentence yet let his eyes ran over my frame. I swallowed thickly as a knot in my stomach tightened.

"Well a cloak is not going to do us any good either!" I pointed out and Sirius glared at me before grabbing me around the waist and crushing me against his chest. I felt the cool fabric against my skin as he backed me up against the wall. "What the-"

"Shut up!" I opened my mouth to reply when I heard the death eater close up on us. I gasped as Sirius pushed me more firmly against the wall, his whole body aligned with mine. I blinked a few times as I cut off any source of noise.

This was it! He had discovered us I turned my eyes to Sirius when suddenly I heard a curse and saw him move away from where we were. His footsteps dying down slowly.

I wasn't sure how long the two of us just stood there but I was certain that it was most certainly longer than necessary but when Sirius pulled the cloak off of us and created a distance between the two of us I felt the adrenaline die away as my knees turned into jelly and I fell to the ground.

Sirius didn't spare me a glance as he moved away from us and shoved the cloak in his pocket. Why was that even possible?

"Why didn't he see us?" I asked shakily. I pulled my knees to my chest and tried to keep the lump away. I didn't look at Sirius.

"It's invisibility cloak." He answered shortly. "Get up, we have to go." I blinked lazily.

"Why?" I whispered. "He's gone." Sirius ignored my last sentence and hauled me onto my feet again. This time I didn't cooperate. "No, wait!" I whispered as suddenly the tears rushed down my cheeks. I put some distance between us again as I found myself losing grip over my composure. My throat constricted and I leant against the wall, covering my mouth with my hands.

"Lais." Sirius was suddenly in front of me, grabbing my wrists. "Calm down, you're not going to do any good panicking."

"How can I not panic?" I hissed. "There were death eaters following us!" I shoved against his shoulders and he took a few steps back. The cold harshness shone in his grey eyes again and I knew I was the catalyst this time.

"Why were they following you in the first place?" He inquired coolly. I shrugged lamely.

"I don't know. I overheard them saying something about this girl and a order-"

"What girl?" Sirius interjected as he was in my face again. I inhaled as I realised that Sirius was so close to me again. I hadn't paid any attention to it before because my emotions were sort of preoccupied but now I could feel the pit of my stomach tighten as I felt the familiar rush of heat go down my spine. Sirius shook me, trying to catch my attention. "What girl, Lais?"

"I-I didn't hear a name." I shook my head, dropping the lasts of tears.

"For fuck's sake Lais. Think! What exactly did you hear?" Sirius demanded of me and my bottom lip trembled.

"I don't know alright!" I almost shouted. "I don't know." I sobbed. "I don't know what to do!"

Sirius let out a harsh sigh before creating some more distance. I could feel his eyes on me as I tried to pull myself together. There were more important things right now than crying my eyes out.

Like Darcy and Georgiana.

"I have to go back." I whispered suddenly. I pushed myself to my feet and stumbled towards the road.

"No you're not!" Sirius remarked and he grabbed my hand again. "You're coming with me!" I turned my eyes to him.

"Are you absolutely mental? I'm not going to let you whisk me away again!" I hissed.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Are you really going to fight me on this now?" I blinked.

"Why ever not?" I argued back. "Things can't go any worse." Sirius turned his head back to that quickly I wondered whether he hadn't injured his neck.

"Don't underestimate what they can do, Lais! You truly think they'll be above torturing girls like you?" I blinked, not knowing what to say. Sirius scoffed arrogantly. "That's what I thought. Now let's go!"

He pulled me out of the alley and I trudged behind him, trying to keep up with him. My head felt heavy as I thought of Darcy and Georgiana.

"No!" I protested. "I can't leave Darcy and Gee! They'll get worried and owl my brother. He's already paranoid. You have to let me meet them. I'll tell them I'm going home with you. Please, I swear I'll go with you!" I told him earnestly. "Please." I added again and I heard Sirius sigh. He didn't stop though. Kept pushing me to follow him.

"Sirius?"

Sirius tilted his head in my direction, a stern look on his beautiful face. "Let's go!"

_**XXXXXXXX**_

Georgiana and Darcy were waiting for me, naturally! The worst part, I had been gone for that long that Georgiana was almost back to being sober. Now that was something I had to watch out for. And seeing their faces almost made me recoil. I gripped Sirius's hand tighter than before.

"On a second thought. Can we just go now?" I heard Sirius's low chuckle.

"Oh no! I want to see this." He gave me a gentle nudge in their direction and I sent him a brief glare before turning around and wiping at my eyes. Act naturally.

"Gee!" I exclaimed. "There you are-"

"Where have you been?" She interrupted me harshly. "Do you have any idea how worried we were?" She was doing a perfect imitation of my mother. Now that was terrifying. "Where the bloody hell did you go off to?"

I blinked. "I-I saw Sirius!" I gestured towards him. "Come here!" I hissed and I saw the smirk on his face. Bastard!

"So?" Gee continued. I could see that Darcy was going to let Georgiana take the lead on this one. "You could've told us that you were with him? We were so fucking worried. We thought something had happened to you!" Something almost did, but I was _not _going to tell them!

"I'm fine! See!" Darcy narrowed her eyes.

"What's that on your hands?" I looked down and saw that they were bleeding slightly. I winced.

"I fell!"

Georgiana rolled her eyes. "Naturally!" I let out a sigh and dropped my eyes to the floor. "We almost owled your brother." I winced.

"Please tell me you didn't." Georgiana crossed her arms and shrugged.

"And what if we had?" I gestured wildly.

"Are you insane? Do you want me to be locked up forever?" Gee rolled her eyes again, now it was getting annoying.

"If it'll teach you some common courtesy then yes!" She argued and I let out a sigh.

"Fine!" I grabbed my things from Darcy's hands. "I get that you're angry and I probably deserve every single thing. But right now I'm going home, so just leave me the hell alone!"

"Lais, don't be a child." Darcy interrupted. "We'll come with you!" And cue in Sirius Black.

"I'll take care of that, ladies." He smiled at them. Darcy and Georgiana both blinked lamely, stunned by the fact he was actually here. "She's staying with me." I widened my eyes and shoved him.

"No, he's just dropping me home."

"Sure he is." Georgiana drawled. "Anyhow, I'll see you later then." I gave them a weak smile.

"Okay."

Both Darcy and Georgiana left and I found myself feeling guiltier than ever. I knew that I shouldn't have yelled at them like that. But I was at the end of my rope, I was exhausted, hurt, angry and plain emotionally drained. And being around Sirius wasn't going to do me any good either. I turned my eyes to him and saw the sickening smirk on his bloody face.

"Ready?" I narrowed my eyes into a glare and raised my hand, slapping his shoulder, hard!

"You're a total git, you know that right?" Sirius rolled his eyes but shrugged back into his jacket properly.

"So they say!"

**A/N:**_ So whatcha think? I love to hear from you guys :) _


	6. A Reoccurring Theme

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own anything at all. Merely enjoying my obession with Harry Potter :)_

**A/N: **_So, here is the next chapter :D I originally wanted to post it on my birthday this Tuesday. But I thought, meeh, since I finished it just now, I'll be overly excited and post it now :) Hopefully you guys will like it. I, in particular, enjoyed your reviews for the last chapter :) I am glad that you guys actually like what I write. Doesn't happen quite often ;) So here is the next chapter, one that is over a thousand words longer than the latter and with quite a few things happening. The pace will pick up after the next chapter :) So be ready! Enjoy:_

_A Reoccurring Theme_

_Do not throw up, Lais! That will not make a good impression and you need to be in control. You're on top of this all. Everything is well and alright , you just need to keep your stomach's contents inside your stomach. _My thoughts were all jumbled up and swirling in a whirling way that made my head spin. I knew that throwing up on Sirius's shoes was not something I actually wanted to do, nor was I going to let myself do that. It would be a punishment much more worse than death. And even though it was a minor exaggeration. It truly was how I felt. So that's how I ended up standing awkwardly in front of the front door, my arms across my chest, tightly pressing against my middle. Trying to show nothing but calmness. I wanted to exude the quiet solitude of one's mind.

I wasn't quite successful, mind you.

Sirius's apartment was... Exactly what I thought it would be. His house wasn't exactly neat and tidy. But it was clean. And though I could see some things littered all over the ground, it had a homey feeling to it. But perhaps, I would've been more comfortable at home. I sighed as Sirius moved past my side into the living room. The kitchen was connected to the living room, making it look bigger than it actually was.

I wasn't sure what to do. Follow him, or stay until spoken to?

There weren't many pictures. Though the few that were there, were those of his friends. Pictures of Hogwarts, of their summers. Naturally, I didn't see any of girls. Nor did I expected to. After all, Sirius didn't settle down. He didn't have the time. How had he once put it?

"_I simply don't have the luxury you do!_"

That conversation didn't quite end on a positive note.

I wouldn't have it any other way though.

"Why am I here?" I quickly asked Sirius. My voice was scratchy but rather that than being confronted in my own thoughts over and over again.

Sirius turned around as I saw him stand in front of his desk in the corner. It was filled with parchment and bottles of ink. I couldn't quite see what he was doing, his large frame hiding his actions from view.

"Because letting you go home is out of the question!" He retorted. The _duh_ was kind of obvious in his tone. I sighed and moved to the couch, silently debating whether I could sit or not. "You can sit down, you know! The sofa won't bite." Sirius added and I dropped to the couch rather abruptly. I hadn't expected him to read my mind.

I shifted my legs to the side and dropped my cold and dirty hands onto my knees. From my peripheral vision I could see Sirius scribble something down. I knew he was not going to tell me what was happening. All I knew was that I should keep in mind that I would probably not like whatever he was planning. Or better yet, what was planned for me.

I hadn't meant to eavesdrop on the odd conversation that did not make any sense at all. What girl were they talking about? Not to mention they hadn't shed any light on the order that they fleetly spoke of. And honestly said, I didn't care. I just wished I hadn't listened. I wished I had gotten away without any problem. Without them discovering me and chasing me. Without feeling scared.

Was this going to be a problem in the future? Was it something I had to keep track of now that I was semi-in-danger. Nowadays, everyone was in danger. I knew my brother had a feeling that one of us was going to get hurt. That it was only a matter of time before something catastrophic happened and one of our family members would get hurt, or worse, die...

We all were going to die, but I knew that most of them didn't want to die right now. Not in these circumstances.

The Dark Lord.

I lifted my hands and rested them against my forehead.

The Dark Lord was involved. What I had heard, involved the Dark Lord. And that automatically meant that I had a bulls eye painted on my back. But I wasn't sure whether they had seen me. At least, properly.

Would they recognise me even if they hadn't seen my face?

I know I wouldn't recognise them. I hadn't seen any of them properly. Just a brief glance that I would certainly not help me. I mean, the only thing I heard was a name and two voices.

I blanched.

"Murray." I whispered blankly.

"What? Did you say something?" Sirius responded absentmindedly and I wasn't sure whether I should be happy because there was a chance I could help them. Or the fact I should be terrified for I knew one of the men who were involved with the Dark Lord.

"Murray." I repeated, somewhat louder now. I could hear Sirius drop the quill he had in his hands. His footsteps echoed behind me until he fully appeared in front of me. I turned my head to his. "I know who they are." I mumbled, feeling my stomach tie itself in knots. Not to mention the overwhelming panic that was making its presence known. I took a gasping breath.

"Who are they, Lais?" Sirius demanded as he sat down on the wooden coffee table in front of the sofa. I blinked softly.

"I mean, I know one of their names." I turned to Sirius. I could see the desperation in his eyes. They were so demanding that I felt the urge to tell him and hide afterwards.

Sirius grabbed hold of my shoulders. "Tell me!"

"Murray." I said quickly. His name didn't feel foreign on my tongue. Not the way you'd expect, knowing he was... I turned my eyes back to Sirius. Or at least, where he was supposed to be. "Sirius? What are you doing?" I asked him. He was back to writing the a letter when he suddenly went to another room. One that was connected to the living room. I assumed that was his bedroom.

"I'm sending a letter." Sirius yelled from the room as I hovered nearby, feeling awkward.

He came back and there was a frantic look in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked and I felt the urge to reach out to him.

_Don't touch him, Lais! _

The mental voice however, prevented me from doing so. Instead, I looked at him with big eyes, waiting for an answer I was not going to like.

Would it kill destiny to plan something pleasant for me somewhere around _now_? You'd think I deserve it after the havoc that has been inflicted upon my life.

"We have to go!" Sirius grabbed my hand and I started to protest.

"No! Not until you tell me what's going on! I deserve to know, Sirius!" I yelled at him as I tried to pull my hand out of his. But his grip was tight and I knew he was trying to apparate. Oh God no, if he was going to apparate I was surely going to throw up. The nausea was churning again and combined with panic, not a very good combination.

"We don't have time!" Sirius yelled. "Do you have any idea in how much danger you are!" Sirius continued. "We have to go to the right people."

"And who may that be?" I asked sharply. "The Ministry? What can they do?"

Sirius snorted and I spotted something like disdain in his eyes. I briefly halted my physical protest and waited for the explanation that was to come.

"You are so incredibly naive." Sirius said simply and with that he apparated.

My whole body was shoved into a tiny pipe as my insides were squished together. My head felt heavy and as my feet finally touched the ground I could hear the loud rushing of blood through my ears as the back of my head was throbbing. My clammy hands were clenched tightly around Sirius's sleeve.

"Come on, we don't have much time to lo-" He hadn't even finished his sentence when I felt a bile rise and I bent over, throwing up over his shoes. His loud groan not going by unnoticed.

And I had so fervently promised myself I wouldn't do that.

_**XXXXXX**_

There was a sour taste in my mouth, one that wasn't just because of my throwing up. No, this one was caused by the last words that Sirius had said to me.

_Naive_.

That word alone put a bad taste in my mouth and reawakened the urge to throw up again. He had again put a knife in my back. Purposely twisted it and was now enjoying the pain it inflicted. The fact he had pointed out my worst fear was worse for wear and I wasn't certain whether I'd be as willing to stick close by. Even though, I knew he wanted me to. The fact he had dragged me off to Merlin knows where, sort of made that obvious.

I wished he wasn't that set on taking me everywhere.

I wished I knew _why_ he was set on taking me anywhere in the first place. He did not owe me anything. I had accidentally pulled him into a situation he couldn't bring himself out. Because I knew the culprits in Diagon Alley knew who he was. He had fully taken every blow that was sent towards us. And even then you couldn't escape.

Yet we did.

With the help of an invisibility cloak. I still had to ask him how he got his hands on one of those. They were incredibly rare. Not to mention, practically extinct. I shook my head silently, I was stalling. There were many things that were bothering me right now. If I was honestly, I'd say I was scared. And that feeling wasn't pleasant at all. I hated it with such a fervour. It wasn't natural.

My eyes swiftly moved across the tiny wooden board that made our location known.

_Godric's Hollow_

I had been here before. A month ago, if not more. I stopped walking and it took Sirius a while to realise that I wasn't behind him anymore.

"Lais?" His voice was rough and it made my insides tingle. "What are you waiting for?"

"Are you taking me to James and Lily?" I asked carefully and Sirius clenched his jaw. In the darkness there wasn't much I could decipher but his silhouette and the shapes of his face. His piercing grey eyes were most certainly watching me and I felt so incredibly exposed.

There was still something. No matter how the both of us denied it, there would always be something. I'd always get myself in trouble, and he'd always be the one to pull me out without losing his breath. Because I'd be the one breathless instead. That's what he did to me and he was always so blind to deny the fact he needed me. Anyone with a brain could tell that he was in need of something to hold onto.

And I wanted to be the one that he'd hold.

But despite our history I knew the choice I had to make. And this time, I wasn't going to choose him. It wasn't up to me to make that decision anyways.

"Are you?" I urged him slightly.

"Yes." Sirius gritted out. "Now can we get a move on? We can't afford to lose time."

"Why? What can they do to help?" I continued and as Sirius grabbed hold of my wrist, dragging me along I found myself fighting again. "No! Stop it!" I shrieked. "You can't just whisk me away because it suits you!" I yelled out. I searched for his eyes and yet the only thing I could find was irritation. It was painted all over his face. But that wasn't all, there was something else there too. I frowned and dropped my arms to my side.

His eyes were now on the floor.

"Do you know something?" I asked him sharply. Sirius rolled his eyes and turned around, grumbling something incoherently as he carried on walking. " You do know something, don't you?" I persisted as I pushed my feet to meet his strides. I grabbed his arms and pulled him to another stop. "Don't you?"

"We don't have time-" Sirius began and I sighed exasperatedly.

"You keep complaining about time but this is a far more urgent matter. I deserve to know what's going on! Do you know who those people were? Is that it?" Sirius shushed me loudly before pulling me along roughly.

"Don't say anything here. Not until we're at Lily and James." I blinked dazed but nodded anyways.

"Okay."

"Fine, now hurry up!" And with that Sirius whisked me away again, this time however, I was more enthused than before. And terrified to the core.

_**XXXXXX**_

There tall frames were distanced from me. As if I wasn't a part of it. Partly, I could understand. What had happened wasn't perhaps something I should get too involved in. But right now, it was inevitable. The worst had already happened and right now it was time for damage control. But did he have to be so cool about it? He could include me. Acknowledge me in fact. Show me anything that he knew of my presence because I felt I was cast away to a corner, where I belonged. If that wasn't discouraging, then I did not know what was.

Because I certainly did not agree with his mannerisms.

"Here." Lily's soft voice pulled my vision away from their, what was to me, a silent conversation. I took the cup out of Lily's hand and felt the warmth seep in immediately. A good cup of tea truly was magical. It could fix things in ways conversation couldn't. And I preferred this above conversation right now.

"Thanks."

Lily sat down next to me at the kitchen table. Lily's house was lovely. That I knew of course, but last time I was here I hadn't paid much attention to my surroundings. But now I was able to look properly, it had a homey and comfortable feeling to it. Soft colours on the walls, many pictures. Dark furniture. Wooden floors. I sighed and settled against the chair. I turned my vision to the red-head. Her green eyes observing me peculiarly.

"Do you think they'll be long?" I asked, trying to get her to talk. Anything but that piercing look. I blow at the hot liquid in my hands before taking a careful sip.

Lily took a short breath. "I don't know." She replied shortly. "It's best if you just wait." I wanted to scream at her for saying that. All I have been doing all night was wait! A person was doomed to get bored.

But even I couldn't use that as an excuse because technically I wasn't bored, I was just anxious. And that was even worse.

I let out a harsh breath before putting the cup on the table. "I'm sick of waiting." I stated coolly.

Lily bit her lip carefully before briefly looking at Sirius and James. They were still in the corner, talking harshly. At some point I felt their eyes on me. I refused to look back.

"What do you know?" Lily asked carefully and my ears perked.

"What do you mean?" I asked eagerly. Gone was my cool outside exterior. I never was a good actress anyways. "You know, don't you?" Lily then again looked at James and Sirius before turning back to me.

"I can't say anything." Lily explained cautiously. "I know you want to know, but be patient. You'll know soon enough."

I clenched my jaw. "Why is it that everyone but me knows?" I asked harshly. I resisted the urge to stamp my feet. "I know what happened was awful and incredibly stupid on my part. But it's done. Shouldn't we be finding out who this Murray bloke is? I mean, he's after someone. The two of them were. There is a girl out there, in danger."

"So are you." Lily stated calmly. "And we are trying to find out who the other one is."

"Then why are we still here?" I asked irrationally. My voice was rising and I knew I was going to attract the attention of both Sirius and James. Lily shushed me quickly, her quick eyes picking up movements from her husband and his friend.

I sighed and dropped my vision to the floor.

"I know it's difficult for you to understand and I don't blame you. If I were in your position I'd be exactly the same. But you have to trust us. We are trying, but right now, your safety is our priority." I scoffed.

"That may be the case but we don't even know whether they've seen me? I mean, I couldn't get a clear view of them."

"They have their ways of finding out. They most certainly saw Sirius." Lily explained, I opened my mouth to interrupt.

"But that means Sirius is in danger as well." Lily nodded quickly.

"He's an auror." She pointed out and I shrugged.

"So? That doesn't mean he's immune to danger." I told her somewhat indignantly, what was Lily implying?

Her green eyes moved to James and Sirius again and I followed her gaze. The two of them were still heavily conversing. Barely paying us any attention. I didn't mind that whatsoever. Lily at least talked to me. Couldn't say that about either of them.

"No." Lily continued. "But he is used to it." I opened my mouth again. "But that does not mean he'll take unnecessary risks. Especially since you are involved." Lily emphasised, cutting me off as I tried to say something.

"It shouldn't matter." I said softly.

"What shouldn't?" Lily asked, her voice was soft too. And for a brief second I could feel her comfort me, even only it was with her voice.

"It shouldn't matter that I am involved." Lily sighed at this and I knew I had hit a sore spot. Because it was my sore spot too.

"But it does matter. So right now, we need to find you a safe spot." I nodded, understanding now.

"What about Sirius?" He was in just as much danger as I was.

A silence engulfed us and as I closed my eyes I could feel a burning behind my eyelids. I knew that at some point I had to break. I was only afraid that I would break when they least expect it and hence I'd be embarrassed.

"He can protect himself." Lily said, but I could detect the worry in her voice. It was only natural you'd be protective of Sirius. Lily had always been on the other side of the line compared to my spot. She had no romantic interest in Sirius which made her an asset. Not a liability, because in my case. That's what I was. A liability. Because I had seen the other side of the line and was still stuck there.

Sirius was the line.

"I can protect myself too." Lily glowered and I found myself regretting my words.

"Lais." Lily began lowly. "Sirius is an auror. He's trained to protect and fight. You on the other hand..." It wasn't necessary for Lily to finish her sentence. I already knew the ending.

Again, a liability.

Especially since I put Sirius in this position. Since I created this disaster it was only natural to let others take over for a while. Apparently I am not a good puppet master. Because finding myself in the middle of a crossfire was beginning to become a reoccurring theme. One I did not quite enjoy.

_**XXXXX**_

"Where are we going?" I asked as Sirius handed me a cloak. I could see he was anxious. The lines of his strong face were going to be a permanent marker for this time. I wanted to reach out and smooth those creases. Perhaps go back a few years as well. Wouldn't that be splendid?

"Wear this, Lais." His voice was gruff, but even I could detect the weariness. I took the cloak and was surprised to see it was the invisibility cloak.

"What's this for?"

"I don't want you to be seen." He said. "Wear it and stay close to us." I blinked, still not comprehending. "We are going to apparate, and you are going to side-apparate." I held in the groan. I never liked that. Judging by the look on Sirius's face I doubted he was going to enjoy it as well. Especially since our last experience. He dropped his eyes to me and I found a softness, that wasn't there before.

"Okay."I breathed out, feeling a blush come up. He put his hand on my cheek and I resisted the urge to lean into his touch. _Don't give in, Lais. Be strong._

His fingertips were calloused and the roughness completely contradicted his intentions. Why was he so bloody charming all the time? Why couldn't he be a total git and just do what ex-boyfriends did best. Leave me alone!

"Are you going to throw up again?" Now I did blush and I shook my head quickly.

"No!" My voice was squeaky so I cleared my throat. "No, I think I'm sober again." Sirius laughed lowly as he helped me but the cloak around me.

"Hold my hand." He whispered slowly.

"Alright, you two!" James announced. Though I was sure he couldn't see me. "Come along, we can't waste time."

Lily opened the door and I quickly grabbed Sirius's hand. Don't be fooled by invisibility cloaks. They're harder to manoeuvre with than you'd expect. I kept tripping and struggled with keeping it around me that I almost dropped Sirius's hand. I knew he'd pitch a fit if I did that.

As we kept rounding corners, Sirius, James and Lily moving swiftly through the dark, as if they were used to it –which I'm sure they were, I couldn't help but think of what was truly going on.

In less than six hours I had been followed, attacked, saved, then hidden. Had to lie to my friends in order to be semi-kidnapped to several places where I was now again, whisked away to Merlin knows where.

And I still didn't know what was going on.

Yes, I wasn't completely daft and knew I was in a shit-load of trouble. I had, most probably, gotten myself into trouble that I might not get out of. It was hazardous, because I had not just put my own life at stake, but also Sirius's. But just as Lily meant, he was used to it.

Did not help with the guilt though.

"Alright." Sirius said lowly. "Hold on." He warned and with a pop I could feel my body squeeze itself into a much too small tube. I could feel the constricting of my whole body, and in a split second I was back on solid ground.

I let out a harsh breath and dropped Sirius's hand, struggling with the cloak as I pulled it off of me.

"Don't take it off!" James hissed and I blinked slowly as I found myself under the silky fabric of the cloak.

"Sorry." I whispered hoarsely.

"Just follow us." Sirius ordered and I found myself moving again. Only this time, we were in the middle of nowhere. I couldn't see much, just the faint silhouettes of the hills in the country. But since it was too dark to actually see the scenery I stopped wondering where we were. The country would suffice for now.

"Okay, stop!" Sirius pulled me to a stop and I hesitated. We were in the middle of nowhere. No house, no road, nothing...

"Can I take off the cloak, now?" I asked meekly and Sirius nodded. I pulled it off, relief filling me up. I felt somewhat claustrophobic beneath that thing. I quickly handed it over to Sirius.

"Read this." James told me, as he appeared abruptly. He stood next to me as he held up a piece of parchment. I frowned and narrowed my eyes.

_The Headquarters may be found at Westbourne Cottage, Rhyl_

"The Headqu-" I began.

"Not out loud!" James interrupted loudly. "Just think of what you read." He ordered me and I nodded carefully. Scared to make any mistakes now, even though I was dying with questions. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, the words playing out in my mind.

"Alright, open your eyes." I opened them and suddenly, just like that silly story of the Jacob and the bean, something happened. There was a miniature of a house in front of us. One that seemed to grow rather swiftly when suddenly it came the full size of a proper house. I gasped.

"Wow." I said pathetically.

"Come on." Sirius nudged me and as James opened the door I got inside.

The warm crimson colour of the walls attacked me from every side and I could hear loud whispers from behind a door. I tilted my head to the side. The hall was narrow and long and I knew that I should move on but I wasn't quite sure what to do.

"Sirius." I whispered, pulling at his sleeve. Lily moved past us, going to James's side. "Sirius, where are we?" I asked him frantically. "What kind of Headquarters are these?"

Sirius sighed but pushed me to follow James and Lily who were already on the other side of the hall. Moving towards a door.

"Sirius." I continued. "I-I don't..."

"Relax." Sirius grabbed my hands, squeezing it momentarily. "Just breathe." I nodded quickly, not really listening. "And don't worry. I am here."

I snapped my head back to him. "Then tell me where we are."

Sirius exchanged a look with James and Lily before turning back to me. "Just come on." He dragged me to the door and I took a quick deep breath before James opened it.

The first thing I noticed was the fact that there was a massive table in the room. I assumed it was the sitting lounge. The next thing was the fact I saw one I had so desperately tried to avoid at the Ministry. But right now, he was standing right in front of me.

Moody!

Mad-Eye Moody!

"So that's her?" He said roughly as his eye fell on me. The other rolled once before settling down on me too and I fought the urge to throw up. "Well then." He took a deep breath and I found myself wincing as I saw the amount of scars of his face.

As wimpy it may sound, Moody had always frightened me. So I tried my best to avoid him at the Ministry and I was rather successful at that. Till now of course.

I gently shook Sirius's sleeve, who, for some reason was grinning.

"Stop!" I whispered. "It's not funny. Why is he here?"

"You didn't tell her?" Moody's voice boomed. Had I told you that it annoyed me that he was talking about me as if I wasn't in the room? Because it did! Immensely so!

"No!" I interrupted as Sirius opened his mouth. "So tell _me_!" I emphasised. Moody looked at me briefly, the corner of his marred lip curling.

"Welcome at the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, girl." I blinked.

_What?_

**A/N:**_ So how was it? I'm sorry I haven't truly proof-read it yet, hopefully you can overlook that. Let me know your thoughts though :) I love to hear from you!_


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